Red vs Blue vs Green
by Hannibal-Necromancer97
Summary: Master Chief and Cortana receive word that a certain coworker of Dr. Halsey is using humans in live-fire simulations to train his soldiers, the Freelancers. They are sent to a canyon in the middle of nowhere to get the two teams to cooperate long enough to resolve the matter. (everything is heavy-AU, so things may not match up with what's currently going on. Language ahead.)
1. Orders Recieved

**Note:** It has come to my attention that Lopez's lines should be readable in English. I humbly apologize, and have rectified this.

/-/

"You wanted to see me, Dr. Halsey?"

"Yes. I need you to look into something for me. One of my associates, a Dr. Church, has been developing his own line of soldiers; likely as a counteraction against the Spartan program. He calls this team 'Freelancer.'"

"Freelancer?"

"A squad of super soldiers; each specialized to a certain skill. But that's not what I'm concerned about."

"It isn't?"

"No. I'm more worried about his method of training. He's pulling soldiers away from the military-those with low test scores and subpar skills-and using them for target practice. He has several instillations set up to house these soldiers, and I've located one."

"You want me to go in and help those soldiers?"

"To be more precise: I want you to intercept the next Freelancer that enters the field, neutralize him, and find out Dr. Church's plans for the project."

"Understood."

"And take Cortana with you. I'm certain she'll want to go back to work with you after how long you've been out."

/-/

"Sarge!" Simmons called.

"What? Whadda you want?" Sarge replied.

"Just wanted to let you know the jeep's fixed. Lopez just needed to change the oil!"

_"_[Yes. I changed the oil, and the tires needed to be replaced,]" Lopez confirmed monotonously.

"Well, hot damn! Good work, Lopez!"

"[Thanks.]"

/-/

Tucker joined his cobalt companion on the cliff. "Whatcha doing?"

"Recon," Church replied, watching the Reds through the scope of his rifle.

"Right… So, what are they up to now?"

"Looks like their fixing their jeep. Not much else."

"Didn't think so."

"Then why the fuck did you ask?"

/-/

"You sure this is the place?"

"These are the coordinates."

"Then where are the soldiers?"

"I don't know. We'll have to go over and investigate; we might be too late."

"I told you to go with the Battle Rifle, but you were too picky."

"I needed the firepower."

"Right…"

/-/

"Hey, why don't I ever get the sniper?" Tucker asked.

"Because," Church stated, "you suck almost as bad as I do with it. Plus, you got a sword, remember?"

"…Eh, I guess you're right."

"Church, are you there?" Caboose called over the radio.

The blue sniper sighed. "What is it this time, Caboose?"

"Um… There's a big, scary guy and a mean lady over here and they're telling me we're in danger. I thought if you have nothing better to do, then you could maybe get them to leave? Maybe?"

"Caboose I'm trying to conduct important…" He paused and looked through his scope again, learning that Sarge was simply kicking the tar out of Grif. "…Fuck it; I'll be there in five."

/-/

Caboose returned to the door, hoping the large individual was gone. He retreated when he learned he was still there. _I hope Church gets here soon…_ he thought.

"I'll ask again," the man said. "Can I speak to your leader?"

"Yeah, um," Caboose replied, "he's not here right now, but if you'd leave a message, I'll make sure he gets it."

"It's urgent. We need to speak with him right now!"

"AGH!" he crouched into the fetal position. "Church said he'd be here in five minutes!"

"…Church?" the woman asked.

"Yeah, Church gives the orders. I just listen!"

"As in _Dr._ Church?"

Caboose was confused now. He didn't know Church was a doctor. "If Church is a doctor, then why did we call that horrible medic who fed my blood to Junior?"

"…That is probably going to be the only time I hear that particular sentence."

/-/

Church walked back to Blue base and saw a behemoth dressed in green armor standing next to a rather small woman outside the bunker. The giant himself seemed to be shouting into the base; presumably to Caboose. Church approached the duo. "Hey!"

The mountainous man turned, facing the de facto leader of Blue team. "Are you the one in charge here?"

"Yeah, that's me. Why, you looking for me or something?"

"You're Dr. Church, then?"

_"Doctor?_ Look, pal, if I was a doctor of anything, I'd be a better one than the guy we've got now. Name's Leonard Church, Private First Class."

The living Hercules pointed his assault rifle at the trooper. "Leonard Church, we're going to ask you a few questions."

/-/

"I'm not so sure that's him," Cortana stated. "I think we've got the wrong Church."

"We were sent here to locate a Dr. Leonard Church, as clarified by Halsey," Chief replied.

"Yes, but this one claims he's only a Private. This can't be the same guy."

"Halsey?" The trooper in blue thought a moment. "I think I remember that name." He then noticed the armor Chief was wearing, "Say, you're not one of those Freelancer guys, right?"

"We're asking the questions here," Chief asserted.

"Because, if you are," the cobalt soldier continued, "then you should probably remember Tex."

"Who is Tex?" Cortana asked.

"Agent Texas. She's a Freelancer agent who was originally called in as backup for us."

"You mean to tell us there's already one here?" Chief interrogated.

"Yeah. You didn't get the memo mister big… green… um..?"

"Sierra One-One-Seven, Master Chief Petty Officer."

"'Sierra?' Dude, that's-"

"We know," Cortana interrupted. "We've been told."

/-/

Tucker watched from the cliff as Church was held at gunpoint by what appeared to be the Incredible Hulk with an assault rifle. "This is not going to end well… I guess I should help him." He drew his sword and headed down, ready to slice-and-dice.

As he got closer, the conversation being held became clearer and clearer. "So," Church said, "you're not Freelancers?"

"No," came a female voice, which Tucker hoped came from behind the skyscraper with the automatic gun, "we're not."

"Well, I'm only asking because Goliath here's wearing about the same model armor they do."

"Not surprising," Goliath said, "theirs is based on the same technology."

"No kidding?"

"None," the female voice confirmed.

"Well, whoever you guys are, I need to know why you're yelling at my guys."

"Well," the giant said, "the short version is that you're all in danger."

"Yeah, that's some big fuckin' news alright."

"I beg your pardon?"

"We've been in danger of everything from allergy season to the apocalypse; I don't think anything you can say right now is going to be any surprise."

"Oh really," the woman said, approaching Church. Tucker felt his armor grow tight in the crotch at the sight of the female interrogator. "How about the fact that Project Freelancer is using everything in this canyon for live ammo training? That me and Chief, here, are planning an assault on their headquarters? Or maybe, my personal favorite-"

The green commando adjusted his aim, now pointing at Tucker. "Come out with your weapons away and your hands up."

"What the fuck?" Tucker then realized how close to the conversation he actually was: he had put himself next to a boulder literally three feet away from the monster known as Chief. "Oh…" He sheathed his sword, shuffling over next to Church. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," Church replied, "We're getting interrogated."

"Gotcha."

"State your name and rank, soldier," the woman stated.

"Lavernius Tucker, Private First Class."

"Huh… That's the same rank as your friend, here."

"Yeah. We used to have a Captain, but he had a heart attack a while back. Then Church took the reins over here."

"We didn't ask for your life story, Private," Chief stated.

"Don't care, man. You got it anyway."

"Is the big man gone?" Caboose asked from the base.

"…Yes, Caboose," Church answered. "The big guy is gone. Why don't you come out here and see?"

"Okay." He exited, "I was worried for a second that he was going to eat me, because I had a nightmare one time-," as he talked, he saw that Chief was, in fact, not gone, and so turned and reentered the base, rambling about a random dream he had.

"He's not too bright, is he?" The woman asked.

"No, not really," Church replied.


	2. Not Freelancer

Tucker now found himself looking over the two interrogators. The giant, Chief, was very clearly masculine, a whole head taller than anyone in the canyon, and clad fully in dark green armor. The woman, whose name Tucker vowed to learn, was small by comparison to anyone he'd met prior, had violet hair, blue eyes, and was wearing fairly standard military gear, save for a small lacking in utility pockets on her vest. "So," he said, "what brings you out here, anyway? You said something about us being in danger?"

"Right," the woman answered. "How long have you all been in this canyon?"

"What day is it?" Church asked.

"Thursday."

"We've been here for seventy-two months."

Chief looked at him. "You've been stationed out here for six years?"

"Yup. Me and Tucker at least; Caboose was transferred here more recently."

"Anyways…" the woman continued, "What were the last orders you received?"

"'Defeat the Reds, don't die, wait for further instructions,'" Tucker replied.

"And this was how long ago?"

"Last week."

"I'm going to guess they've been sending you those same orders every other week for the last six years," Chief stated.

"…Come to think of it," Church replied, "yeah. You're right."

"We haven't had real orders since we've been here," Tucker said.

"And none of you found it strange?" the Spartan asked.

"Not until now, we haven't."

/-/

Simmons disengaged the zoom on his helmet, a custom upgrade he implemented, and turned to Grif. "This is bad," he said.

"What's bad?" Grif replied.

"The Blues got another new guy."

"So?"

"He's big."

_"…Person _big or _big_ big?"

Simmons took another look before answering: "Both."

Grif whistled. "Do they really make them like that?"

"Not last time I checked."

"You mean just now?"

"Smartass."

/-/

Chief swung his rifle so it pointed to the door. "Unknown contact."

A soldier clad in black armor stepped out of the base. In her hands were two SMGs, one pointed at each visitor. "Drop your weapons," she said, "both of you."

"Ah," Church said. "I thought this would happen… Better sooner than later, I guess." He gestured to the two new arrivals. "Tex, this is Sierra-One-One-Seven and his friend." He then motioned to Tex. "Chief, this is Agent Texas. She's with us."

"Freelancer Agent Texas?" the woman greeted.

"That's right," Texas answered, not moving her aim a centimeter.

The stranger slowly placed her pistol on the ground, continuing: "My name is Cortana Halsey. The Master Chief and I want only to talk to you."

"Then talk; just call off the gorilla."

"Is that a joke?" Chief inquired.

"What if it is?"

"Chief," Cortana said, "relax. Just cooperate for now so we don't go home in coffins."

Chief paused, but eventually dropped his rifle. "We'll cooperate," he grunted.

"Good boy," Tex said, lowering her weapons as well. "Maybe afterwards you'll get a banana."

A small laugh emanated from the speakers on Master Chief's suit. Church stared at him, puzzled. "Did you just laugh like a little girl?"

"No," he replied flatly.

"Because it sounded like-"

"I said no."

/-/

Sarge was precariously stacking a BLT when Simmons reported in. "Sarge," Simmons said, "you're not gonna like this, but you're gonna want to see it."

"What is it?" Sarge replied, grabbing a slice of tomato for his sandwich.

"The Blues got another new guy; and he's huge!"

"…_Person_ big or-"

"Both."

Sarge drummed his fingers on the table, looking between his sandwich and the door. He spoke after some time. "I'll be right there. I gotta see this in person." He hung up, shouting into the base, "Donut! Lopez! I need one of you to put my sammich in the fridge! I'm headed out."

/-/

Cortana and Chief followed Tex into Blue base. "You two aren't Freelancers," she said, "so why the hell are you here?"

"We were sent by Dr. Halsey," Cortana answered.

"She sent us to intercept the next Freelancer agent to land here," Chief said. "If that's you, then we've already completed one objective."

"Tough shit." Texas sat, "I'm not technically a Freelancer anymore and they've all but forgotten this backwater canyon."

Cortana looked puzzled. "'Technically?'"

"We kind of had a falling out, if you can call it that. I got here and never went back when I found out what was going on."

"How long ago was this?"

"Not long ago, like three or four years now."

"And they haven't wondered where you are?"

"It's not like they haven't been trying. They just sent me a transmission a few weeks ago. I hope to God they stop soon, it's getting annoying."

"Did they say anything about sending someone?" Chief asked.

"I think so. Can't remember."

Cortana turned to Chief. "This could be our chance. If Freelancer Command is sending one of theirs to find Texas, we've gotten our ticket to Dr. Church's base of operations."

"Y'know," Tex said, leaning back in her seat, "if they don't send Maine."

"Who's Maine?" Chief asked.

Tex simply chuckled. "You'll see."


	3. Crash and Burn

Sarge arrived at Grif and Simmons's location and grunted. "What's so important it had to drag me away from my BLT? You said the Blues have another new head?"

"That's right Sarge," Simmons confirmed. "Have a look."

The sergeant looked over at Blue base to see a hulking, green mass walk out. "By God… You were right Simmons," he turned to his maroon subordinate, "he's massive!"

"And heading this way," Grif said, pointing.

And he was. The giant was now walking quite casually toward the Reds' current location, tailed by Tex and Church of the Blue team.

"Dammit!" Sarge dropped to prone, attempting to disappear, which was hard to do in bright red armor when the landscape dictated brown-and-green. "Get down!"

"Why?" Simmons asked. "He's unarmed."

"Something that size with hands doesn't need a weapon to kill you!"

"Besides," Grif said, already on the ground, "he's got Tex with him. If he doesn't decide to kill you, she's gonna."

"Gonna what?" Tex asked, causing Simmons to trip over Sarge and land on Grif.

"Which of you is the leader of this team?" the massive soldier inquired.

Sarge got up, trying his hardest to hide his fear from the behemoth before him. "T-That'd be me."

"I'm here to ask you a few questions."

/-/

Cortana stood in the main doorway, waiting for John to come back. She found herself thinking on the numerous events that had happened in the past two months or so: how she became human, Chief's initial reaction and subsequent acceptance, the whole incident with Sierra. She furrowed her eyebrows, still getting used to addressing a former piece of herself by another name. As she thought, Tucker joined her in the door. "What's up?" he asked, completely oblivious to Cortana's inner turmoil.

"Not much," she answered. "Just waiting for Chief to get back."

"I take it he's important to you?"

She nodded. "More so than you probably believe."

"Well, don't worry about him. He's just going over to talk to the Reds, so he'll be fine. Plus, Church and Tex are with him. If anything happens, they'll take care of him."

"Thanks, Private Tucker. That makes me feel a lot better."

"I aim to please."

"Just so you know, though," she added, "if you're plotting to get in my pants, you're out of luck. I'm taken, and you're nothing by comparison to him."

"Uh…"

"I read your psyche profile. As well as that of Private Caboose; who, apparently, does the opposite of what he's told?"

"…Basically, yeah."

Their exchange was interrupted by a rumbling sound originating above the canyon. The two of them looked up, seeing what seemed to be a massive ball of fire sail through the air. The comet slammed into the broad rock face on the canyon's east side, leaving a pockmark the size of a Scarab. "What was that..?"

"I don't know. But whatever it is, the general rule states that it's not good."

/-/

Chief, Sarge, and the rest all looked at the crater that now decorated the side of the canyon. At its center was a large, metal egg of sorts. _"F-23 Dro-op pod,"_ spoke a tiny voice from Master Chief's suit. _"Desi-ed to deploy medium-to-heavy infa-y from su-orbi-al atmos-ere."_

Sarge looked at Chief. "Was that you?"

"No," he replied, checking his ammo. "Sierra, what can you tell me about the contact that just dropped?"

_"Me-um ar-or, lightly-armed, and there's-s on-y one; suggest pr-aring for mid-to-long range combat."_

"Is that an AI?" Tex asked.

"Not important," Chief stated. "Any other thoughts?"

_"Not really."_

The pod door hissed open, revealing a none-too-formidable soldier. He was clad in gray-and-yellow armor, and one would need to have a very good hearing aide to hear what he was saying from that distance.

"What?" Tex shouted back to the nearly inaudible soldier. "What's that?"

"We can't hear you!" Simmons yelled. "You're too far away!"

"What's he saying?" Church asked.

"Hell if I know," Sarge responded.

The crossfire of miscommunication lasted until Cortana, Tucker, and Caboose came over to their location. "What's going on?" Cortana asked.

"See that pod up there?" Grif said. "Some idiot is stuck up there trying to tell us something." Something suddenly clicked in his mind. "I'm sorry, who are you?"

"Cortana. I'm here on business with the Chief."

"Right."

"Don't bother, man," Tucker cut in, "she's taken."

"Damn…"

The soldier fell from the pod, landing squarely on his back. He groaned, slipping into unconsciousness. "Well," Chief said, "that got us nowhere."

Tex lifted the trooper from the ground. "You need info, right?"

"Yes. Why?"

"You just found yourselves a source of info on all things Freelancer." She adjusted her grip on him. "This is Washington."

Chief and Cortana looked at each other, having a silent debate over interrogating the new arrival. They both nodded. "Take him over to the Blue base," Chief said. "We're going to have a talk with him when he wakes up."

"No fair!" Simmons said. "He landed more than a foot west of the halfway mark. We get dibs."

"'Dibs?'" Cortana asked. "Are you five?"

"We even worked out a treaty. Whatever side of the canyon anything new lands on, that team gets dibs on it."

"So, if a frigate with weapons, food, and medical equipment landed on the east end, the Blue team gets all of it?"

"Not _all_ of it," Grif explained, "just whatever they want out of it. We'd get what's left."

"And yet you still believe there's an actual war going on here?" Chief asked.

Sarge replied smugly. "Yep. I know it!"

"You're all idiots," Cortana said in disbelief, turning back to the Spartan. "We're surrounded by idiots!"


	4. Let's Talk

**Note:** Better late than never, I suppose. Took a while, but here you go. Enjoy.

/-/

Washington regained consciousness some time later. He was tied crudely to a metal chair, his weapons were gone, and he was face-to-face with what seemed to be Goliath with an assault rifle. "Where am I?" he asked.

"Relax," spoke a female voice. "We just want to talk."

"I hope to God that voice isn't coming from the big guy…"

"It isn't." The voice's owner stepped out from behind the chair. "You're a Freelancer, correct? Agent Washington?"

"Who are you?"

"Unimportant," the giant stated.

The woman continued, "You work for Dr. Leonard Church, the Director of Project Freelancer?"

"How does any of this pertain to you and Bigfoot, here?" Washington asked.

"We're asking the questions here," Bigfoot said coldly.

Wash sighed. "Alright, then. My name is Oregon, I work freelance selling real estate, and I would _love_ a Kool-aid right now."

"Chief, you know what to do."

The big one, which must have been Chief, curled his hand into a fist nearly the size of a cabbage and delivered a punch to Washington's abdomen that would likely hospitalize any normal person. Wash let out a grunt, slumping in his chair. "Ugh… That fucking hurt."

"It wasn't meant to tickle. Get comfortable, Chief; we're going to be here a while."

"Bring it on, bit- OOF!"

/-/

"It's not gonna work, you know," Simmons said.

Tex looked at him. "What isn't?"

"Interrogation. At least how they're doing it, it isn't. People will say anything to make the pain stop. Plus, he's a Freelancer, so he's going to keep everything under wraps."

"Well, we don't exactly have any other options, now do we? We're just lucky they sent Wash."

"Why?" Grif asked. "What makes him so great?"

"He's got the best memory of anyone in the organization. Anything useful we get will practically be straight from Freelancer Command."

"…What like Google?"

"I use Bing," Simmons said.

"Google's got more results!"

"Yeah, but Bing has more _accurate_ results."

"Cort's right," Tex muttered. "You _are_ idiots."

/-/

"Is that," Washington panted, "all you've got?"

"What is Dr. Church planning?" the woman growled.

"You know, I'm more cooperative after my interrogators _kiss my ass!"_ He turned his head. "You're not getting shit out of me."

Chief delivered unto Agent Washington a truckload of pain, jabbing him repeatedly in the abdomen. After the onslaught, Wash was left slumped in his chair. His gut and chest were on fire, and he didn't seem like he could take much more punishment. But he still refused to talk. "We'll be back when you feel like being useful." The woman and her behemoth exited the room.

/-/

"You get anything?" Church asked.

Cortana shook her head. "He's not budging. I'm starting to fear that physical violence is going to end him. We need someone to go in there as an alternative."

"What about Tex? A familiar face may make him open up a little."

"It's worth a shot. I'll be honest, I don't enjoy torture; never have. It seems to come naturally to J- …to the Chief."

"What was that?"

"What?"

Church crossed his arms. "You paused just then."

"No, no I didn't."

"Uh-huh… Okay, I'll drop this for now, but something's up." The cobalt soldier then walked off to find Texas.

/-/

"…Besides," Simmons said, continuing his argument, "Bing doesn't pull up porn for every other result."

"Duh," Grif retorted. "Why do you think I use it? It knows exactly what I want before I even do."

"Hey, Tex," Church said. "We need you to interrogate what's-his-nuts." He turned to the Reds' feud. "Google."

"Yes!"

"Fuck!"

"Why me?" Tex asked, placing her hands on her hips.

"We figure if he's talking to someone he recognizes we'll get more out of him."

"Probably will, but Wash and I didn't exactly talk too much."

"Well that's just fan-fuckin'-tastic. What do we do now?"

"Just wait," she said. "I never said we _never_ talked. I could get some info out of him. What's in it for me, though?"

"How about…" He pretended to think. "You get to go have sex with yourself. Seriously, what does it matter?"

"You gotta make it worth my while. Otherwise, I'm just gonna sit here."

"She said, standing."

"I want fifty bucks."

"Twenty."

"Thirty-five."

"Fine."

/-/

Washington looked up as the door opened. Rather than the blue-haired woman and her pet giant from before, a soldier in black entered the room. She leaned herself back-to-the-wall with her arms crossed. "Washington."

"Texas?" he greeted. "So you aren't dead."

"Who ever said I was?"

"The Director. He told me to go get whatever's left of you."

"How's that going for you?"

"Not too well," he coughed. "That big son of a bitch can throw a punch, I'll give him that."

"But you didn't talk?"

"Do I look like I talked? That guy beat the living shit out of me, then I think he beat it back in. I don't think I can take much more of this…"

"That's why they sent me. They don't want me beating you up because we need you to stay alive."

"So you're in on this?"

"Kind of. Strictly speaking, I'm here to get you to talk. They never specified what about."

Wash chuckled. "So, what is it you want to know?"

/-/

Cortana twiddled her thumbs, waiting for Texas to come back out. She was still fascinated by everything her human body was capable of (she'd even accidentally learned not to long ago that she was double-jointed.) She looked over at the Master Chief, who presently was cleaning his assault rifle. Probably best; Cortana herself felt that this canyon generated filth so bad that one would need several showers after being here a week.

"Hey, Chief," she said, catching the Spartan's attention. "Do you have a minute?"

"Yeah," he answered. "Why?"

"I just need to talk to someone. I don't know why."

"Well, what do you want to talk about?"

"Anything, really; just as long as it gets my mind off this place."

Chief thought a moment. "Hm… We could talk about us?"

"Technically we're working," Cortana answered. "That seems a little… inappropriate."

The Spartan set his rifle down, standing with his hand outstretched. "Why don't we take a break, then?"

Cortana paused, smiled, and took the giant's hand. "I don't see any harm in that. Lead the way."


	5. One Step Forward

"What was the Director's plan, anyway?"

"I don't know. He never told anyone, not even Carolina. He'd just send us on remedial assignments; have us shoot some sim troopers, and get the fastest time. That's all I know."

Texas squatted in front of Washington, continuing. "What if I told you that those 'sim troopers' are actual people?"

Wash thought a moment. "…I'd probably say you were crazy. F.I.L.S.S. makes all the simulations herself. Right?"

"I've been here just over four years, Wash. They're all real."

"I don't believe you."

"You want proof?"

"Try me."

Tex stood, turning away from the soldier. "I kinda… used to…" She cleared her throat, rubbing the back of her neck. "…sleep with one of them."

Wash remained silent.

"It's a long story and I don't feel like talking about it. So do you believe me?"

"…Holy shit."

/-/

Church watched from around the corner as the Master Chief removed his helmet, sat it on the table, and led Miss Halsey outside (Mrs.? Maybe it was Ms. He didn't know.) This gave him the opportunity to investigate the tiny voice that kept coming from Chief's helmet. He casually walked over to the table and picked up the high-tech brain bucket. "Hello?" he said in a low voice before lifting it up next to his head.

_"Hello-o-o?"_ came a tiny, distorted reply.

"Uh… What's your name?"

_"Mom sa-aid not to ta-alk to stra-ers."_

"Did she now? Well then," he sat, "my name's Church."

_"I'm Sierr-err-ra."_

"See? Now we're not strangers."

/-/

"Look," Wash said, his head hanging low, "I already told you everything I know."

Tex nodded. "Thank you for your cooperation, Wash."

"And please, when you leave, don't send those last two in here."

"I won't."

"And can you tell them I was serious about the Kool-aid?"

/-/

Tex walked out of the room to find that the Reds had started a new argument. "I'm telling you," Grif said, "The Hulk would kick the Terminator's ass!"

"And I'm telling _you_," Simmons snapped back, "the Terminator is the pinnacle of killing machines!"

"That's what they said about the railgun, after the minigun, after the rocket launcher-"

Tex cleared her throat, ceasing the dispute. "If anyone's interested, I'm done interrogating Wash." She pointed to the two bickerers in front of her. "Make sure he doesn't leave; I'm gonna go find Halsey."

/-/

"Let's just say," Church said, "the last time we got a recruit, I wound up dying, like, the next day."

Sierra laughed, "Tha-ats funny!"

"True story!" Church thought for a second before continuing. "Say, Kid…"

"Yeah?"

"Do you have anything on Chief and Cortana?"

"Only wha-at I learned since tw-tw-enty days ago."

"Like what?"

Sierra changed to an authoritative monotone voice. _"Intelli-nce classified. Vo-oice print fai-ai-ailed. Please restate co-and."_

"Uh… Kid?"

"Yeah?" she replied, seeming to be back to normal.

"Was that you?"

"Was wha-at me?"

Church heard footprints coming from around the corner. "Gotta go," he whispered, setting Chief's helmet back where he found it. He began to nonchalantly drum his fingers on the table as Tex walked in. "Tex."

"Have you seen where Halsey ran off to?" Tex asked. "I got everything we're going to get out of Wash."

"Uh…" He pointed to the door. "I think I saw her leave with the big guy. You might be able to catch them if you hurry."

"Thanks."

/-/

"I'm glad we could talk, Cortana."

"Me too, John. C'mon, we've got work to do."

Chief nodded. Staying in a galaxy of peace wasn't easy for him (let's face it, he was practically born to be a soldier), so having someone to talk to-someone to care about-made him feel at ease. Of course, the Reds and Blues could never find this out; they probably couldn't fathom that he was human, same as them. They probably thought he was little more than a machine, ever-ready for combat. So, for now at least, he'd have to stay formal with them; although, the teal one was well on his way to driving him up a wall.

The two of them started back for Red base, but Tex found them. "Agent Texas," Cortana greeted.

"Halsey," she replied.

"Did Washington cooperate?"

"Barely. He and the others think this is all generated by the Freelancer AI, F.I.L.S.S."

"'Phyllis'?" Chief repeated.

Tex nodded. "The Freelancer Integrated Logistics and Security System. She oversees training regimens, statistics, basically everything when the Director isn't."

"So," Cortana guessed, "she's our new objective, then."

"That depends on what the objective is."

"Washington, evidently, didn't give us anything. We'll need to find more information, and it sounds like this 'F.I.L.S.S.' is our best bet."

"There's just one thing…"

_There's always something, isn't there…_ Chief thought.


	6. Two Steps Backward

"F.I.L.S.S. has multiple versions, and the only one of use is at HQ."

Cortana fumed. "Is there one in this canyon?"

"Beats me; it wouldn't be much use anyway…"

Chief sighed. "Let's head back to base, then. We'll think of something."

"We always do, don't we?" Cortana agreed, heading that way.

As the duo walked on, Tex stalled to think. _Something is definitely up. I just need to find out what it is…_ She followed Cortana and Chief back to the Reds' base.

/-/

"Bullshit," Simmons said. "Pound-for-pound, she's definitely stronger."

"Have you seen the guy?!" Grif shouted. "He'd whip her ass any day of the week!"

As soon as Cortana entered, she was immediately sucked into the all-consuming vortex of Grif and Simmons's argument. "Halsey," Simmons greeted hastily.

"Can you help us settle a bet?"

"Uh…" she answered cautiously. "I guess it would depend on the bet..?"

"Who would win," Simmons pitched, "between Tex and the Chief?"

"…A fight..?"

The duo nodded.

"…Texas and Chief?"

More nodding.

"Hm… Well, I've yet to see Texas in actual combat, but I've known Chief since he was little."

"He used to be _little?_" Grif said incredulously.

"I suppose the only way to find out would be to, well… _find out._" She caught herself. "Um, small scale, of course! Private Simmons, does this base have anywhere to train in hand-to-hand combat?"

Simmons thought for a moment. "Well, we don't have anything fancy, but we could probably use the garage."

A loud thud could be heard from the other room, followed by two painful screams.

/-/

"Hey! Easy!"

"Uncle!"

Cortana, Grif, and Simmons entered to see Chief pinning Church and Tucker to the wall. He had them both pinned to the wall with their arms behind their backs. "What's going on in here?!" Cortana asked.

"I caught these two tampering with my helmet," Chief answered. "They left me no other options."

"The rest of us," Church strained, "had a very clear understanding in this canyon!"

"What's this understanding?"

"A couple years ago," Tucker explained, "we had a little bit of a 'tech issue'. Tex's AI, O'Malley, went haywire and started attacking people. He sent himself through the radio and possessed them, turning them into major dicks."

"He kind of stopped after hopping into our medic," Church continued. "Now he just switches between being Doc and Professor Pissed. After the incident, Sarge and I agreed on one thing: no crazy, jumpy AI allowed in the canyon."

"That doesn't explain why he's got you both against the wall," Grif said.

"Sierra got out."

Cortana felt a bead of sweat form on her temple. "What do you mean she 'got out'?"

"I _mean_ that she wanted to see if she could do the same thing. So, she had me turn on Chief's radio and she hopped into the closest receiver she could find."

"And where was that?" Chief growled.

Church's helmet buzzed as his head twitched. _"Hi-i, Dad,"_ said a soft, tiny voice.

"…Sierra?"

/-/

"So let me get this straight," Cortana said impatiently. "You told Sierra about an AI fragment that was able to jump from person to person; you let her talk you into turning on the radio; and to top it all, she's now housed in your helmet."

Church nodded.

"Did you expect her to _not_ try and jump? Did it not occur to you that she's a _child_?"

"'Child' is a bit of a broad term for AI, isn't it?" Church said innocently. "Don't they break after, like, seven years or so?"

"Don't change the subject, Private," Chief said.

"Right," Church answered, "sorry. So, how do we get her out?"

"I imagine the same way she got in," Tex suggested. "Worth a shot, isn't it?"

Cortana frowned, thinking. "I don't see many other options…"

"But if she doesn't want to leave the Private's helmet?" Chief inquired.

"Hm… Chief, do you still have Sierra's data card in your helmet?"

"Always. Why?"

"Hang on to it, just in case. We may need it if all else fails."

/-/

**Note:** I'm sorry this was later than usual. There was a slight problem getting it onto the site. But, what matters is that it's here now, and I call that a win. Thank you all for being so patient.


	7. Tech Support

"How do we get her out?" Church asked.

"Well," Texas answered, "most Freelancer AI would stay with their data card. If that was the case here, we could just remove Sierra's card and, by extension, Sierra. Unfortunately, she learned to integrate herself via radio, so we have two options. Number one: we delete Sierra, ending the problem before it starts."

"Great!"

"Not a chance!" Cortana said angrily. "Option two?"

"We switch everyone else's radio to 'receive' while Church transmits. She should go to someone close by if we're lucky."

"But it's the Chief's AI," Simmons noted. "Wouldn't it make more sense to just have him receive while the rest of us maintain radio silence?"

"If this weren't a Freelancer instillation, yes," Chief answered. "Agent Texas's plan will be more likely to keep Sierra inside the canyon."

"And if, say, she doesn't jump?" Church asked.

"In the event that that happens, I'll plug her chip into your helmet. With luck, she'll go back, and I'll be able to retrieve her."

"And if she doesn't jump to you?" Tucker asked.

"We switch off the last person's radio, limiting her path until she gets back to Chief," Cortana answered.

"These two plans completely contradict each other," Grif said.

"It worked last time."

"'Last time'?" Church asked hesitantly.

She waved the thought away. "Unimportant. Everyone get ready."

Everyone switched their radios to receive incoming signals, save for Church who stayed on transmit. "Sierra," he said.

_"Yeah?"_

"You're going to make a little jump, just like before. Okay?"

_"Okay, Le-enny-y."_

This earned a snicker from Texas. "She calls you 'Lenny'?"

"Shut the fuck up. Sierra, just jump."

_"Alri-ight."_

She left Church's helmet, allowing him to switch off the radio. "Does anyone have her?"

"No."

"Nope."

"Not here."

"Zilch."

Everyone reported negative. "This doesn't make sense," Simmons said. "There are eight of us with radios and she didn't jump into one! That's statistically impossible!"

A loud yell could be heard from the other room. Everyone rushed to the small antechamber Washington was being held in, and found him on the ground, still tied to his chair, screaming at the top of his lungs like a bat out of hell. "GET IT OUT!" he shouted. "GET IT THE FUCK OUT!"

Cortana rushed to him, trying to hold the agent still. "Agent Washington, get a hold of yourself! What are you talking about?"

"IT'S IN MY HEAD! GET IT OUT!"

Grif chuckled. "Two-to-one, she jumped to Wash."

"Give me a piece of that action," Tucker agreed.

"Washington," Cortana said. "Washington, hold still! You need to calm down!"

Chief lost his patience. He lifted the soldier back up and punched him, effectively whiplashing him into unconsciousness. He was treated with a blank stare from everyone, to which he replied with a shrug, "He wasn't cooperating."

_"…Mo-om? …Da-d? Is that you-ou?"_

"Sierra?" Cortana answered. "We're here. Is something wrong?"

_"Yes. Some-ng is very-y wro-ong. This man… He's i-in pain…"_

"Well, Chief just punched him in the face," Grif cut in, earning an elbow to the ribs.

"What are you talking about?" Cortana continued.

_"His mind isn't hi-s own. Somethi-g happened a lo-ong time ago… It changed him. The-re are pieces of mem-ies here that aren't his. Memo-ies of pain; agony; torture…"_ She began to whimper._ "I-I don't want to be-e in here anymore."_

Chief bent down to meet Sierra. "It's going to be okay," he said, plugging her chip into Washington's helmet. "You don't have to." As he returned the Fragment to her card, a wave of disbelief washed over the sim-troopers. This was the first time-okay, _second_-that they'd seen any kind of emotion come from the gargantuan man since he'd been here. He plugged Sierra back into his helmet, acknowledging the others with silence as he left.

When the shock had passed after what felt like ages, Texas was the first to speak. "Is he always that nice?"

"No," Cortana said, a smile crossing her lips briefly, "he isn't."


End file.
